State of the Music Address

About a month ago I had a conversation with a friend about the state of music today. He asked me what I thought about it and I said that, generally, I love it. Now the question was meant to be more of a joke, but I wasn't joking. Now, he was refering to the plethora of crap churned out by radio stations. There I would agree. However, it is a very exciting time to be a music fan. This is especially true if you have musical tastes that differ from any of the radio stations that might be in your geographical area.

The reason I answered positively is for two reasons. The first would be because of Zach Braff. I like Zach Braff as an actor/director. Scrubs is fantastic, and Garden State is one of my favourite movies. I love his rather eclectic choices for the Garden State soundtrack (and its fairly clear he is quite influential in regards to the Scrubs soundtrack as well). I remember when the first Garden State trailer was released a year before theatrical release, the soundtrack (I believe it was Let Go by Frou Frou) was a major part of what got me excited about the movie. He also has a blog where he puts up what he's listened to recently and often talks about this band or that.

Now, I like his taste in music. It resembles my own. He's brought several artists to my attention (Colin Hay as the best example) and certainly put a few other bands on the map who may not have risen above a small fanbase (I've seen considerable press on the newest album by The Shins, something that seems to me to be considerably due to Braff's inclusion of them in the Garden State soundtrack). But I am torn. His taste in music has become too "hip". I guess my worry is that people aren't developing their own musical tastes, just aping Braff's.

The second is much more important. I'm talking about music in television. I referenced this somewhat above, in regards to Scrubs. It is something which gets me excited because it is another way that obscure bands, many of which aren't exactly designed for radioplay on most stations, can be heard outside of just their rather small fanbase. The most instrumental in this would probably have to be The OC. Now, I have never cared for the show, and haven't seen more than about an hour, total. But the music from this show is generally fantastic. It is good music, and said music has leeched into the mainstream. This is the first show that I have experienced where people weren't just talking about the plot/characters/whathaveyou, but where "water cooler" discussion also included the music.

(Once upon a time, I was searching for interesting cover songs, and I came across Ryan Adams doing a live cover of Wonderwall. I thought to myself, this would make a fantastic studio cover as well. So, one day, I'm doing laundry at home in Brampton and my sister is watching The OC, when I hear my request come to life.)

The OC certainly wasn't the first to use such a soundtrack, but they certainly pushed the envelope and created a different climate for music on TV. I mean, Fix You by Coldplay was premiered on this show, a fact that I learned through many media outlets who were reporting it as such (the only other time I think I've seen this happen is with CSI and Radiohead's Hail to the Thief album, and I'm not 100% sure about that).

Now it seems that soundtracks have become a much more important part of television programming. One Tree Hill, which I know little about, has featured my favourite obscure artist, Tom Freund, with one of my favourite songs of his, available here (it seems that this TV show is pretty much taking The OC's spot in respect to soundtracks). I know that several episodes of House have made me search up some new artists (not counting those times I heard some other great songs, such as Delicate by Damien Rice and Waiting on an Angel by Ben Harper).

I just love the fact that something other than the radio is becoming an arena for introducing new, talented artists. And stay tuned, as before too long I plan to make a top 20 song list, which has spawned from similar conversations over the last month.

Edit: On another note, I went to fix some problems I was having with my html, and noticed that you could upgrade your template to an easier to edit one. Well I did, decided I didn't feel like doing the whole thing right now (as I did more than just change the colours), and went to put it back, but couldn't for some reason. So I'll leave this one up for now, until I have time to sit down and put up something more similar to what I did before (the colour is mostly there, but there are other spacing things and such that need work). It will all be worth it, as they have included Trebuchet in this revised template, which means I finally have a fitting font (without the excessive italics or really small font).

A Crustacean Presentation

So, I've got crabs.

Yup, I finally redeemed birthday and Christmas gift certificates to pick me up some pets. Meet Statler and Waldorf...

They are hermit crabs. The pictures are terrible, I know. Apparently my camera is garbage, especially when focussing on smaller objects. And as these, or at least their shells, are about the size of the inside of my palm (that is the end of my thumb in the upper left corner, for a somewhat better idea of scale), they didn't turn out very nice. As they grow, they need bigger shells. Waldorf actually molted within a day of me buying them. And as you can tell his shell is considerably more shiny.

I've got them in a 10 gallon tank with a wood chip base, a water dish, some rocks and a branch, though they spend most of the time burrowed in the wood chips. Or at least when I'm not moving them around or having them pose for pictures (it is difficult to get blush on crab antennae).

For those who don't know the reference, they are named after the two cynical, grumpy (err... crabby) old men from The Muppet Show. Boo... and all that. I considered getting a third and naming him Zoidberg, but who wants a penniless, lonely, and generally depressed crab? Emo kids, that's who. (On a side note, Statler and Waldorf (the Muppets, not my crabs) have a rather funny webcast where they review movies.)

Boo! Boooo! That was the worst post I've ever read! It was terrible! Horrendous! Well, it wasn't that bad. Oh yeah? There were parts of it I liked. Yeah, I liked a lot of it. Yeah, it was good, actually. It was great! It's wonderful! Ah, bravo! More! More!

Also, I just found out that my sister picked me up a ticket for the Ben Folds concert at the Kool Haus in about a month. Very, very exciting.

The Cockroach in Cupid's Atomic Blast

As some of you know last year I posted a bunch of things for singles to do on February the 14th, known to some as Valentines Day, and to others as S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day). You can check them out in a post entitled "Contentment Charade in the Singles Parade". I've added to the list this year so that you have more S.A.D. activities. Enjoy.

1. Send out Anti-Valentines. There are some here. Send out as many as possible. Perhaps include chain-mail-type threats to get more people to send them.

2. Go to the local florist or other flower dispenseries and fill their roses with freshly ground pepper.

3. Go door to door that evening (that part is clearly important) selling vacuum cleaners, newspaper subscriptions or taking surveys. Ring the doorbell incessantly. Be downright belligerent if they try to get out of talking to you. If they happen to be wearing a bathrobe or similar garb, award yourself bonus points.

4. Similar to #3, go out and "trick-or-treat." Your costume should probably be something Valentines themed. Now its too cold to be walking around dressed like Cupid, and I can't think of anything else, so I would suggest just taking your costume from this past Halloween and stapling paper hearts on to it. You can then explain in some cliche manner how that relates to the day. Like a Valentine's hobo might declare his love on a soapbox downtown. Something trite like that. There could also be the funny costume, like the Valentine's pirate, searching for booty. But the less said of that the better. Then you try to scam some of their Valentines candy, half emptying boxes of chocolate, scarfing on candy hearts, etc.

5. Speaking of candy hearts, grab a red pen and write witty retorts on the blank back sides of these confectionaries. Now there are some limits, as you will need to be as brief as the original sides tend to be. I'll give you some examples to start you out. On the other side of "Kiss Me" you might write "Mint First". "Email me" might lend itself to "No fwd.'s". Or on the flipside of a "I'm Yours" heart you could write "For Now". There are also other ways to do this if you don't feel like ink-poisoning is the way to go this Valentine's Day. Firstly there are sites which do allow you to make your own candy hearts (the one linked has regular mode and Goth mode, where the hearts are black). I also understand that there are companies which will make custom ones for you, and thus you would actually be able to eat them (you know, if you like the flavour of chalk). However, this is wholly unnecessary as the wonderful folks at Despair.com (a site I have regularly visited for over 5 years now) have made them for you. Now you know for next year.

There you are. Some more activities to get you through another year's Valentines festivities. As I said before: Huzzah to the singles... or something.

Leet Speak for Your Holy Week

So if you are a new convert to Judaism, do those who have practiced the religion for an extended time call you a joob?

Here's an example:

Person 1: Hey, its Hanukkah, when do we get to spin the menorah?

Person 2: ROFLZ!!!!1!!!1! You are such a j00b.

You know, just wondering...

In Search of Saving Serum for Snake Strike

So a few weeks ago I came across a banner advertisement for a search engine. I think the search engine was Windows Live Search, but I'm not sure (I had snapped a screen cap of ad in question, but that went the way of the rest of the stuff on my computer). This advertisement suggested that it was the way to find what you were looking for right away, or something like that. You know, a fast search engine with quick and accurate results. In this banner ad there was a picture of some of the site, these slogans and such, and inside of the search bar was written "antivenom."

Yep. Thats right. Antivenom.

I have a feeling that if you have a desperate need for quick and accurate results on "antivenom" it might be too late for you. Perhaps calling 911 might be a more pertinent exercise.

Now I can see a reason for such a search to be necessary. Lets say that you keep your house full of poisonous snakes. And lets say that you have a medicine cabinet full of the antivenoms for such snakes. You know, just to be safe. Now you were bitten by a snake, and while you are able to tell what snake it was that bit you, you can't remember what antivenom goes with that snake. So you need to do a quick websearch to find the results. Then you take the antivenom and everything is dandy in short time.

Otherwise, you'd be better off searching for plush coffins and sending out e-vites to your funeral.

512 MB DDR of Memory Loss

Good news! Within the last 6 months I have lost a good portion of my last 5 years or so due to unfortuitous circumstances. Oh wait, that's bad news.

To begin with, during the summer the house we were staying in, which had no history of basement flooding, flooded, ruining about half of my collection of books, from school and otherwise. There was my collection of Tom Clancy novels, that had been purchased second hand for the most part. Not a huge loss, certainly not monetarily anyways, but disappointing.

It was the hefty volume of books on religion and politics and other topics that I had collected throughout my time as a student that was the more devastating. Some of these I hadn't done much reading of in the first place, but many of them had been very useful. A copy of Dr. Koyzis' Political Visions and Illusions which I had re-purchased (when I first took the course it wasn't published yet, and I had only a rough Redeemer-bound copy) and had yet to crack open to re-read yet. There was a book by Glenn Tinder called The Political Meaning of Christianity which I ended up wholly disagreeing with, but was the fodder for the best essay I've written. There was a book called In Search of Authentic Faith which I bought prior to coming to university, hoping to use it for a paper at some point, which finally came to fruition in my final year.

Now, more recently, I've had another deletion of my recent history. This past Monday, with the smallish ice storm that we had, my computer ceased to perform its normal function. It turns out my Windows XP was corrupted by an erroneous couple of megabites which had somehow become useless (power surge, though I had a power surge protected bar, or something else, who knows). Now, unfortunately this means that I had to completely reformat my hard drive, which further means I have lost everything from this computer.

All of my schoolwork is gone. However, the papers, the most important part, I still have in hard copies for the most part. I did lose most of my typed notes, some smaller assignments that I didn't bother keeping paper copies of, and probably some other school-related stuff. Luckily I found out that one assignment that I did and only emailed to my professor and required an insane amount of work (and would've required over 30 pages of printed material, thus me not printing) was salvaged thanks to the fact that I had sent it to Dan so he could know what he might be in for in the future.

Media-wise, I've lost all my music, movies, pictures, and everything else. I lost my awesome archer that I built up in Diablo. I lost a number of movies that were relatively difficult to get ahold of. I lost a lot of pictures, though not a whole lot of personal ones, but stuff that won't be recoverable (but thanks to PhotoBucket I have retained some of the more important one). The music is probably the most devastating thing, though. There are some rare songs I found, which are going to be very hard to replace. This is particularly true of my covers list. Who knows if I will be able to find back my version of Ozzie Ozbourne doing Staying Alive, or Holly McNarland doing In The Air Tonight or Marilyn Manson doing Golden Years. Luckily, most of my music and movies are on Dan's external hard drive thanks to some file-sharing done a while back, but most of the rare stuff is gone. Luckily, I didn't have to buy a new computer that I can't afford. But I have had to spend this weekend re-installing my computer and whatnot.

Now, when two events like this happen within a relatively short time, you start to get ideas. I begin to wonder what God might be telling me. No ideas, though. That said, I am strangely comfortable with the whole situation. I would've expected to be lot more upset about losing all of these items, these tokens of the last years. But then again, maybe it is time for a change...

This Omnibus Stops At All Railroad Crossings

For those of you who haven't found it worth your time to follow the links on the sidebar o'er there, I have decided to clue you in to some of the funniest internet videos I have ever seen. I am referring to Ask A Ninja. You have questions, ninja's got answers. So far the best video has been Ninja Omnibus, as posted right here:

Boat-loads of exuding joy and uncontained happiness were experienced when I hit the site again myself and found that they had done a sequel to Ninja Omnibus, entitled Ninja Omnideuce. Check it out.

Oh, the laughing.

Selection by Affection and Rejection of Election

No, not that kind of election. The Calvinists are once again confused.

So, NHL All-Star Game voting finished earlier this week. While I'm unsure of the final tally, it seems that Rory Fitzpatrick (as of a week prior to the closing of the ballots) rounded out number 3 on the most voted for defensemen.

Who?

Exactly.

For those of you outside of the "know", Rory Fitzpatrick is a defenseman for the Vancouver Canucks. And he's not very good. When I first heard of this guy (I'm a little late on writing about this, as the other recent posts were a little more time sensitive) he had yet to register a point this season, and had only played about half of Vancouver's games (as of now he has played 26 of Vancouver's 41 games, and registered his first point last on my birthday, the 30th).

Despite this, a group of people started a campaign to get Rory into the All-Star game. It has hit all sorts of news outlets and has become one of the most visible viral internet "buzzes" that I have ever seen. Don Cherry commented that it was a joke, and that they were laughing at him. Gretzky said that while it was great for Fitzpatrick, the NHL should step in and intervene.
Personally I think that this entire campaign is great. And I have two reasons for this, and they are extremely different.

First, I agree with Ron McLean when he said "The fans are saying, 'Hey, you know who we like? We like Rory Fitzpatrick. We just don't (only) like the skilled guys.'" I agree. People shouldn't be up in arms because of this (especially because I'm not sure of the original motives of the first campainers). Would the same outcry have come if last year Andrej Meszaros would have been written in even though his points were meager but his +/- was easily the top of the league all year and is a defenseman, whose job it is to keep goals from going in? (early in this season he was at the top too, but has since dropped significantly).

Secondly, and almost conversely, I think it forces the NHL to take a look at the voting process for the All-Star teams. I would say that this is the main reason for my support of the Vote For Rory campaign (though I haven't voted). I know it seems semi-hypocritical to support both stands, but hear me out. I tend to be more of the persuasion that the most skilled players should go to the All-Star game (now, as I said with Meszaros, there is some wiggle room). The fact that a mob can vote in whoever they please might make them look twice at a wholly democratic system. I mean, hockey is a skill game. This isn't politics where there are policies and parties and you can choose who best suits your political palate. Certain folks should make it, and certain folks definitely should not (Fitzpatrick being one of the latter) because there is a skill to playing hockey, and getting points is generally quite related to such a skill (though, I think for defensemen other characteristics should be looked at too). Personally, I would like to see a hybrid of voting and the decision of a coach. Say, that the voters decide a list for the All-Star team coach to choose from, and he makes the best team from the list that he can. Thats just one idea though.

I feel the same way when radio-stations and others make "100 best guitarists of all time" lists and such. I mean, I can make a list of who I think should make a list like that (who are actually the most skilled), who I would personally put on a list like that (who I prefer), and what the list will look like upon compilation (how the listeners actually voted). And only one of those lists will include members of AC/DC.

Basically, I dislike "democracy" in situations like this. I understand that the NHL and radio-stations want people to be included, but when it occurs like this, people just vote for their favourite, and not necessarily the most skilled. And for that reason, I say, vote for Rory (even though you can't anymore).

Capital Punishment and Birthday Abolishment

So, Saddam is dead. Its kind of weird having possibly the most notorious person of my lifetime be brought to justice and subsequently punished. Capitally. Its a bit surreal.

That said, I didn't really come here to wax about the hanging of Saddam Hussein, but to supply this quote from an article on CNN's webpage:

Two other co-defendants -- Barzan Hassan, Hussein's half-brother, and Awwad Bandar, the former chief judge of the Revolutionary Court -- were also found guilty and had been expected to face execution with Hussein, but Rubaie said their executions were postponed.

"We chose to postpone Barzan and Awwad's execution to a later date because we wanted to have this day to have an historic distinction," he said. "We wanted to have one specific date for Saddam so people remember this date to be linked to Saddam's execution and nothing else."

What a wonderful thing to say (the italics are mine). Especially meaningful for someone whose birthday is today. Thanks for your thoughts there, Rubaie. I appreciate it. I guess all subsequent birthday celebrations are to cease. This day is about Saddam's death. The anniversary of my birth means nothing. Nothing.

A Telling Omen of the Demise of Snowmen

Ritual suicide and Tim Hortons?
Just see for yourself...

It seems that Tim Horton's has seen it fit to include two suicidal snowmen in this year's holiday cup. While it is disturbing enough for me to see these two snowmen with Tim Horton's cups in their hands, I shudder at imagining the carnage that happens when these two drink their fatal hot chocolates.
The cup looks like it was designed by Jim Jones or, more likely, by Calvin.
Don't do it, kids. Life's worth living.

Wishing You Many Cliches for the Holidays

Stay tuned for Tim Dykstra's Christmas Extravaganza Special!
With appearances by...

John Laroquette...

Kenny Rogers...

Bill Nye...

Robert DeNiro's nephew...

Johnny Rotten...

Kofi Annan...

Extra #2...

Ernest Borgnine...

Dan Castelanetta...

and the entire cast of Who's the Boss (excepting Tony Danza and Alyssa Milano).

With special performances by...

Gottfried the sword-swallower-juggling albino...

Fried Chicken, a Kenny Rogers tribute band...

The washboard orchestra of Beverly Hills...

The midget tap-dancers from Paraguay...

And the men's choir from the A.A.A.A (Association of African American Anarchists).

All this and more, hosted by Tim Dykstra, and special guest, The Noid! Tune in!

Love Cliches and a Fiery Blaze

Last night I was sitting at my computer, listening to some music. My playlist was on random through all of my music (a playlist I rarely use). One of my favourite songs of all time comes up. Norwegian Wood by the Beatles. This is easily my favourite Beatles song, tied with Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd as my favourite song pre-90s. It does hold the number one position for me regarding lyrics. I shall post them here.

I once had a girl, or should i say, she once had me.
She showed me her room, isn't it good, norwegian wood?
She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere,
So i looked around and i noticed there wasn't a chair.
I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine.
We talked until two and then she said, "it's time for bed".
She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told her i didn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath.
And when i awoke i was alone, this bird had flown.
So i lit a fire, isn't it good, norwegian wood.

It's a nice, short bit of lyrical genius that tells a wonderful and crazy story.
So, now, you are probably wondering what I am on about. Well when I saw that song pop up in my media player, I noticed it was being attributed to an album called "Beatles Love Songs." It was originally on Rubber Soul, but I found out that there was a compilation of Beatles songs thrown together on an album of Beatles Love Songs.

This could be some sort of existential, post-modern, the-song-has-whatever-meaning nonsense, where other people are getting something else out of that song/story, different than mine. But I think it is pretty clear that he BURNED DOWN HER HOUSE! Now, thats love. Now I can understand that the reasons for burning her house down could be varied. I tend to have two theories. One is that he wasted his time and didn't end up bedding the girl. I prefer the thought that it was to free her from her consumerism, bragging about her Norwegian wood and whatnot. Either way, I wouldn't call a song which talks of the burning down of a girl's house a love song. I don't know, maybe that's just me.

On the topic, I'm off to profess my undying love for zombies.

One for the homies, two for the homelies.

Perhaps another for the homilies.

The act of "pouring one for your homies" is when someone will pour part or all of a bottle of liquour out on the ground signifying respect for friends that have died. This seems to have originated from gang culture, and the friend in question is usually one who died in relation to the gang's activities. Or so is my understanding.

When visiting public restrooms there are inevitably going to be pieces of toilet paper on the ground. Is the same principle at work?

Your Access to Excess

You could call this a gigablog, blogofractal or simply an uber-update. You see, I'm moving this week and it may be a week or two before I get to throw up another update. You know, waiting for the modem and whatnot. Sooner rather than later, I hope.

So what this post will be, then, is a rather thrown together mess of things that have interested me over the last little while. Enjoy.

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Firstly, I heard another ridiculous advertisement on the radio. This commercial was promoting some event or another. I don't remember what it was, but it was sponsored by Pepsi. One of the benefits of attending this event was that you could record a message into a life-sized Pepsi can. Yup, life-sized. Incredible isn't it? Nothing regular about a life-sized Pepsi can. It isn't at all like the life-sized Pepsi can sitting on my desk as I type. Oh, wait. It is. Only the can at the event records your message. Amazing. It might be difficult to miss, and this little Pepsi recording device is clearly why the people are attending the event. Why else would they tell us if not to catch our interest and draw us to this event? Also, you wouldn't want them to trip over it. Think of the lawsuits. Obviously, this can not life-sized, unless you were about 90 ft. tall. No, the can is probably closer to 6 ft. tall, making it human-sized, not life sized. However, it just illustrates that, again, people need to think once in a while. Just a suggestion.

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If you haven't checked out Matt Costa yet, do it now. I recently picked up the CD and it is fantastic. I haven't been this impressed with a CD purchase in quite a while. Perhaps since the Garden State soundtrack, only in that case I had heard the disc before purchasing it. With this one I only heard a couple of tracks. Speaking of which, anyone who enjoys the Garden State soundtrack will very likely enjoy this CD as well. This CD, Songs We Sing,  reminded me of that soundtrack considerable. Also Simon and Garfunkel. You can check out a few tracks on his myspace music page. I don't care too much for Sweet Rose,  which is included there, but it is the only song I don't enjoy on the whole CD. So, check it out.

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A co-worker told me about this. It sounded funny, so I searched it up. Watching it was even funnier. Check it out, though ignore the obnoxious intro over the first 25 seconds or so. Also, it has a swear or two. You have been warned. Basically it pokes fun at magicians, especially David Blaine.

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I have recently started reading a great magazine called Geez.  My mother introduced it to me and ever since picking it up, I have loved it. It is advertisement-less, the layout is similar to the idea of a "zine", and the writing is simply wonderful to read. Maybe that's because they write like I do. Oh, and it is Christian, based out of Manitoba, and very much postmodern. They are a shade on the hippy side of things, but while I don't agree whole-heartedly with everything they write, I do find myself very sympathetic towards their views. Definitely check it out. They are at Nidus 2006 this coming weekend (ooh, Civic Holiday!), where I will be on the Saturday with Dan.

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Me and Sam hit up an Eels concert about a month ago . It was great. Unfortunately to placate the masses this was a bit more of a rockier tour, as the last tour was the lighter side of the Eels. This is understandable as there are probably different fans who prefer different sides of the Eels. I prefer the lighter side, but I have the DVD for such a tour on my shelf, which I can watch at any time. Highlights of the show were definitly Krazy Al making the show considerably entertaining, with his shadow-boxing and the like. Their cover of I Put a Spell on You  followed by another cover of That's Life.  Both were awesome. A sped up version of My Beloved Monster  was also cool.

While this is an older clip, its a really fun clip of the Eels kicking it on Letterman. Very entertaining. (Interesting fact: Mark Oliver Everett, known as E, called the band the Eels so it would be next to his solo work, under E. Unfortunately this was poorly thought out as The Eagles are located between E and Eels. Oops.)

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Well, that's about all I can think of. That should keep you busy for a week or two.

The Hyphen-Syphon Strikes Again

I am the coolest person.

This is something I also find myself doing quite often.

Funny stuff.

The Brooding Banter of Banality

I have a problem, you see. Stupid people bother me. They just make me angry. I mean, education is free. Alright, I'll stop rhyming now. It is even getting irratating on this end. Stupidity is particularly irksome when it is in a very public forum, such as the radio. I am not talking about the idiocy of the hosts, though it is certainly there.

No, this particular brand of idiocy is in a commercial. A commercial for the X-cup. This is not some sort of cup that has decided to no longer be a cup, but instead has decided to embrace its bowl-like qualities. Nor is it the description of an unprotected football player. It is some sort of competition for extreme sports (more on that before). Anyways, I have heard this advertisement several times over the past week and everytime I have heard it I have remarked how stupid it is.

This is because one of the sentences is "where gravity defies all odds." Now, I have tried to rack my brain to come up with what they are trying to say here. My first assumption was that Gravity is ridiculously good at games of chance. Gravity goes to the roulette table and wins on double zero four times in a row. Or Gravity heads down to the dog track and puts all his money on Bngo, the dog who lost an eye (close relative of one Li'l Brudder) and takes home a banker's roll. Perhaps Gravity has been hit by a meteor and won the lottery at the exact same time. It could even be possible that "odds" is the teenage slang for adults or parents and Gravity has hit his rebellious years.

Enough speculation, I suppose. At first it seemed to me to be a mixed-metaphor, which annoy me thoroughly. I think, however, that it is a combination of the mixed-metaphor (the phrases "defy all odds" and "defy gravity") with just generally poor grammar, which, provided it isn't atrocious, is generally not all that bothersome to me. In this case, as you might guess, it is bothersome. I mean, you can't just rearrange the words of a phrase and assume it means the same thing you intend. Gravity is the object, not the subject. I feel like a grammar nerd for pointing this out. Well, I guess I am to some degree, though my grammar is certainly not perfect. I mean, I did recently purchase not one, but two grammar books for entertainment purposes. On a side note, just one of these would have taught me far more than I learned from an expository writing class where good writing gets a mere 70% and poor writing gets a ridiculous 70%. And if we are talking about Grammar Snobs Are Great Big Meanies, they were equally entertaining (that said, in both cases it was not the grammar that was entertaining but that which surrounded the grammar).

Remember, don't be stupid. Because stupid people are stupid. And you don't want to be one of them, do you?

The Conniving Cacophony of the Calamitous Chanteuse

The wonderful bands of the past, and the women who have emasculated them, and left them for dead (figuratively, literally, whatever). I know I have had this conversation with many friends over the years, so some of you may have heard some of this before. What prompted this particular round of bashing on these loves of their lives was that I heard Exhibit D and E back to back on the radio at work. I wrote this several months ago, but didn't post it.

Exhibit A
Some of you may have heard of this band called the Beatles. I hear they were pretty good. I hear they did a pretty good cover of Aerosmith’s Come Together, as well as other songs. Anyways, the lead singer, John Lennon got together with a woman called Yoko Ono. Many say this was the demise of the band, and hundreds and hundreds of jokes have been made about her, her singing, her breaking up of the Beatles, etc. I’m not going to go this direction because I would simply be spewing redundancies. Let’s just say that she isn’t exactly the most popular person. In fact, one person has humourously postulated to me that perhaps when John Lennon was shot, the aim was actually set for Yoko Ono, perhaps prompting some sort of reunion. I guess we’ll never know. Or we will. Either one.

Exhibit B
This particular woman has taken many a lead singer and placed him (even a few hers) in the mortuary. I’m talking about Lady Heroin. While not exactly a female, it certainly was the love of their (short) lives. The examples here are many, and there is no need to list them. Though I will pay special homage to one Shannon Hoon, which was perhaps the most devastating to me, though (or perhaps because) I had heard about it many years after said overdose. I had always wondered why his band hadn't released a sophomore album, only to find out about his O.D. half a dozen years after the fact.

Exhibit C
Courtney Love. Need I say more? This ridiculous specimen of womankind might be blamed for the demise of two bands. The first is the least obvious, as the fact that she dated the lead singer is not a well known fact. However, it is true that she had dated Billy Corgan at one time. Whether she was the ultimate downfall of this band is not entirely clear, but I think it seems fit to blame her. Nirvana, on the other hand, is a little clearer. While Nirvana never really broke up, there are other circumstances. First, Lady Heroin was involved. Rumour has it that this might have been her fault too. Second, he committed suicide. Again, there has been speculation that she not only drove him to it, but some postulate that she killed him. This seems a little ridiculous as there were rumours that Cobain wanted to leave and join Hole. I would like to thank Alan Cross for the more obscure information (Love dating Corgan, as well as Cobain's wish to join Hole and leave Nirvana), as his radio show has been a wonderful source of entertainment and information.

Exhibit D
Gwen Stefani. She made good music once. I still enjoy hearing a No Doubt song from time to time. But then she went solo. And hip-hop. Terrible. I have, on more than one occasion, joked that Hollaback Girl was the result of a cleansing high colostomy. Anyways, as many of you know Stefani has been dating or engaged or married to one Gavin Rossdale for many years now. Gavin was the frontman for a band called Bush (or Bush X, as they were temporarily called due to a conflict with another band). I’m sure you are thinking, “Hey, I remember that band!” Exactly. Remember.  Bush was a fine band that hasn’t made any music in about five years. And even their last album from 2001 didn’t get any radio-play. That puts it back to 1999. I blame Stefani. Why? Because this is roughly the same time they started dating. And then she went off and started making her musical tripe, while Gavin is playing house-husband at home. Probably making dinner, doing laundry and vacuuming. So sad. Such a fine rockstar put to waste.

Exhibit E
Chantal Kreveaklfusodifjkl. Errr… Chantal Kreviazuk. Yes, the little-known Canadian singer. Yes, the one who got together with Raine Maida at roughly the same time as Stefani and Rossdale got together. Once again emasculation was imminent. You see Raine Maida was the lead of a band called Our Lady Peace. However, now the lead is some sort of amalgamation of this couple. I will henceforth refer to the lead as Raintal Maidazuk. No, I won’t. Anyways, Our Lady Peace began with awesome music. Naveed  is genius. Clumsy  is awesome. And then it goes downhill. Every album since has not had the lyrical fortitude of the first two albums. I have maintained that Kreviazuk began writing Maida’s lyrics. Most of the lyrics after Clumsy have been overly romantic, the music hasn’t been as good (or at least from the perspective of rock music) and it has just generally annoyed me. It’s really sad to me. I mean I really enjoyed OLP from back in the day and I was really disappointed with Happiness is Not a Fish You Can Catch.  And my disappointment remains, several albums later.

So these are plenty of examples where the ladies in the life of these musicians have rendered their music impotent or have discontinued that music. It is a sad thing. Really, I just think that musicians shouldn’t be allowed to date other musicians (or, you know, do drugs). It would save many a band. Please, do it for the children. I mean, do you want your kids growing up in a world where Hollaback Girl becomes classic music and where good rock bands are churning out naught but romantic ballads? I don’t think so.

House-warming and Louse-Swarming

Welcome to my new abode. Please help yourself to some coffee and cake. Leave your presents next to the credenza. Thank you.

I have chosen this new location because the overly templative nature of my prior location was cumbersome. I mean, I couldn't even post pictures in my posts. Ridiculous. So, as of last January I decided I would make this my new home. However, my final semester of university delayed my learning of HTML code. After at least six months I finally decided to spend some time on this nonsense. And here it is. Now I just went ahead and edited the template they gave me here at the Blogger. I also threw some other stuff in, took some stuff out (the blue around my profile picture was an eyesore upon this marvel of website-dom) and messed around. And this is the result. If there are any problems with coding that show up or colour contrasts that are awkward, let me know.

Despite this up-ending, paradigm-shift-like move, you need not be intimidated. Never fear, ladies and gentelmen. Those old posts of wit and wonder are still available. In fact they are still available right here! I spent a rather tedious amount of time moving them over yesterday. Thus my July archives should now be rather crowded.

I have also had considerable amounts of fun titling my links. This is a function where, upon hovering your mouse above the link, you are able to have one of them li'l yella boxes show up with a description of the link. Now, of course, I'm not the type to take this function entirely seriously, and thus most of my links have something relatively clever as their title. This was my one source of entertainment when publishing my old posts at this location. Those titles might also be an excuse to go back and reread them. Kind of like those easter eggs you get on DVD menus and the like. I also edited many of them. So they are in better form and format than what they had been. Original posting dates have been included as well, so you can understand that I was not typing a diatribe on Valentines Day two days after Singleness Appreciation Day. Or Independence Day. Whatever you call it.

A few other notes: I seem to be a fan of several webcomics with food in their title. I hadn't realized this until composing this list of links, actually. Certainly there are many jokes that be made in regards to this. Perhaps you could keep them written in the cards that you included in your house-warming gift, rather than vocalizing them. I also haven't yet finished a list of blogs. I will likely include more. And the list of links will likely change according to whimsy.

The ribbon has been cut, and the giant novelty scissors given to Emo the Clown. Thank you for your coming. Stop by again soon. And bring cash.

High-flying Wit in the Venomous Snake Pit

Originally posted on April 11, 2006. Edited by Nelville Flynn.

So I have been hearing about this movie. It hasn't really excited me at all, but there seems to be considerable hype around it. It has people anxiously looking forward to its release date, particularly in the internet community. It also has completely subverted many of the conventional ideas of the Hollywood movie and has been guided by the audience.

I've whet your appetite, haven't I. You want to know what movie I am talking about? The movie is called Snakes on a Plane. (That is the IMDb page, but you can follow links on the left toolbar to catch a trailer).

Now you are all thinking that this is my attempt to be humourous, as I am attributing such incredible feats to a movie that is clearly stupid and ridiculous. I am not. This movie has indeed changed and challenged the traditional movie-making process.

I began hearing about this movie either in the summer or early fall, hearing that a movie existed called Snakes on a Plane which is exactly as it sounds, about an assassin who releases a bunch of snakes onto a plane to kill one of the passengers. And it stars one of my favourite actors. None other than Samuel L. Jackson. I thought this was ridiculous, chalking it up to a Deep Blue Sea type movie which, while terrible, is interesting to a degree. I am a rather large fan of Deep Blue Sea (I even have it on DVD), even though I know that the plot and acting are generally pretty terrible. I call this a train wreck movie, which is so bad, but you just can't turn away.

Anyways, as time went on, the hype didn't die. It wasn't just something that people were making fun of that week. It had become something more. So, now, many months later, having seen references of it in multiple forums and websites, without doing much research into the topic, I remained confusied. I did not know whether this was a joke movie, a real suspense thriller, or what. So, I decided to ask.

The responses I got told the story of Snakes on a Plane. And I will recant this little story to you.

The Making of... Snakes On A Plane

The buzz around this movie began because people found it rather humourous because the movie pretty much gave the premise in the title of the movie. A ridiculously simple title at that. Apparently it wasn't just movie fans either. Samuel L. Jackson was given the script. He didn't read anything past the title page and said he wanted in. It appears that the title got Jackson excited enough to commit to it, and this subsequently got fans very interested who thought there must really be something to this, beyond the punchline of a joke at some gathering at the local cinema.

Apparently, Snakes on a Plane was just a working title which the studio came up with so that those who were being asked to be a part of it would know the premise of the film. Something like how IMDb will often have movies listed which are called "Untitled ___________ Project." This blank can be filled by the characters name (Superman) or the director's name (David Fincher). Talk eventually came about as to what title the film should actually be released as. The suggestion was "Pacific Flight 117." This never came to be because Jackson was absolutely adamant about leaving the title as it was. It was, after all, the reason he signed on in the first place.

Buzz began to grow regarding Jackson's excitement towards the project as well as the complete stupidity and absurdity of the movie. As buzz continued to grow excitement grew real and people actually began anticipating the movie for not only the ridiculousness, but that it might actually be a fun movie. People began to affectionately refer to the movie by the acronym SoaP.
The studio found out about this buzz and used it to their advantage, essentially catering to this internet crowd. They took ideas from fans to use for the posters. They introduced a contest giving the fans a chance to create the craziest music for the film, which would have the winner used in the soundtrack. The studio even went back to the movie for reshoots to up the rating of the movie from PG13 to R.

Essentially what happened was the that studio, who originally took this movie as a serious venture, saw the reaction towards it was not serious at all, and that it would never be taken seriously. They decided to, instead, take the attitude of the internet buzz which has ultimately made it much bigger and better than it would have ever been otherwise, if promotion would have solely been in the hands of the studio.


I just love what this movie is doing. Democracy in Hollywood film-making? Unheard of. Fans ultimately creating buzz and promotional material rather than fans being made because of these things? Simply strange. This movie has just completely upended the traditional studio film structure. Perhaps Jackson signed on because it would ultimately be a slap in the face of the viewer (as Moulin Rouge was in many ways). But either way, real interest has begun in this strange little movie. And I'm loving it.

Entertaining Scrawl in the Bathroom Stall -- Part 3

Originally posted on April 4, 2006. Edited by Tommy Tutone.

Last time on Anatomy of Bathroom Graffiti... Part 1... Part 2... and today we have the 3rd and possibly final installment of this serial.

Today I will mainly be speaking of Bathroom Graffiti cliches. These are things that invariably show up in every public bathroom in some form or another.

1) "Here I sit, broken hearted, paid a dime, and only farted." I regularily see this ridiculous rhyming maxim about paying a ten-cent piece and merely flatulating adorning the interiors of designated evacuation areas. Now, I know that pay-toilets exist. Else such a poem would not have presented itself. That being said, I have never been privy to such a privy. Etching this rhyme in a pay-toilet is an understandable form of graffiti, I suppose. However, scratching it into a perfectly free toilet is one of the dumbest things I can think of. It isn't clever. It isn't funny. It isn't applicable. So it should not be done, plain and simple. I could even understand if pay-toilets were a regular occurence in society. However, as I have not seen one, I can safely assume that they are not. Perhaps someone should write a new poem which mentions something about not having to pay a dime. But, I am not the vulgar sort to do such a thing.

2) "For a good time call 555-2349. Ask for Jenny." I use the name Jenny because of the one hit wonder from Tommy Tutone regarding this subject. Firstly, what kind of people call numbers on the walls of stalls? Is this where people scrounge up dates for Friday night? Also, "good time" is perhaps a bit vague. Now, I am not so naive as to not know what is being referred to. However, I would imagine it would be considerably fun to subvert the intended meaning completely. "Yeah, hi. Is Jenny there? Could I talk to her? I saw her number on the wall while I was... well, I was hoping we could grab some coffee, maybe go out bowling. Yeah, I'll have her back by ten. I just heard she was a fun person, and I'm a bit bored." Hey, perhaps it might turn into a real relationship, not one based on the intended meaning. That'd show'em. Show'em good!

3) "H.S. + M.B." with or without a heart around it. Yes, thats right. There are those that express their undying love next to a toilet. I don't think the carving of initials into things is completely unromantic. I suppose there could be something to it if it was into a tree or spraypainted on a rock, as I have seen on numerous occasions while camping. However, the usefulness of this in the professing of the relationship (graffiti is illegal and leaving full names and addresses is not exactly the approach most people take) is negligable. But there could be something to go back with said loved one and regard the scrawled initials in some nostalgic reestablisment of the relationship. However... a bathroom? You can't exactly come back at the nearest anniversary and remark how romantic you were back then, how in love, while hovering over a toilet looking at the poorly etched initials. Perhaps its just me, but that doesn't sound like the activity for a prospering relationship.

I also have a less general example. My current employer has one toilet which has, scrawled into, of all places, the toilet seat: "addicted to crack." This is, admittedly, funny. I snickered when I saw it. However, upon thinking about the logisitics of carving such a phrase I became slightly disturbed. First of all, you would have to get awfully close to the toilet to write this legibly. Second of all, it isn't facing away from the tank, but towards it. I'll just say that no humour is worth that.

And, that is it for Anatomy of Bathroom Graffiti. At least until I find more to make fun of.