Entertaining Scrawl in the Bathroom Stall -- Part 3

Originally posted on April 4, 2006. Edited by Tommy Tutone.

Last time on Anatomy of Bathroom Graffiti... Part 1... Part 2... and today we have the 3rd and possibly final installment of this serial.

Today I will mainly be speaking of Bathroom Graffiti cliches. These are things that invariably show up in every public bathroom in some form or another.

1) "Here I sit, broken hearted, paid a dime, and only farted." I regularily see this ridiculous rhyming maxim about paying a ten-cent piece and merely flatulating adorning the interiors of designated evacuation areas. Now, I know that pay-toilets exist. Else such a poem would not have presented itself. That being said, I have never been privy to such a privy. Etching this rhyme in a pay-toilet is an understandable form of graffiti, I suppose. However, scratching it into a perfectly free toilet is one of the dumbest things I can think of. It isn't clever. It isn't funny. It isn't applicable. So it should not be done, plain and simple. I could even understand if pay-toilets were a regular occurence in society. However, as I have not seen one, I can safely assume that they are not. Perhaps someone should write a new poem which mentions something about not having to pay a dime. But, I am not the vulgar sort to do such a thing.

2) "For a good time call 555-2349. Ask for Jenny." I use the name Jenny because of the one hit wonder from Tommy Tutone regarding this subject. Firstly, what kind of people call numbers on the walls of stalls? Is this where people scrounge up dates for Friday night? Also, "good time" is perhaps a bit vague. Now, I am not so naive as to not know what is being referred to. However, I would imagine it would be considerably fun to subvert the intended meaning completely. "Yeah, hi. Is Jenny there? Could I talk to her? I saw her number on the wall while I was... well, I was hoping we could grab some coffee, maybe go out bowling. Yeah, I'll have her back by ten. I just heard she was a fun person, and I'm a bit bored." Hey, perhaps it might turn into a real relationship, not one based on the intended meaning. That'd show'em. Show'em good!

3) "H.S. + M.B." with or without a heart around it. Yes, thats right. There are those that express their undying love next to a toilet. I don't think the carving of initials into things is completely unromantic. I suppose there could be something to it if it was into a tree or spraypainted on a rock, as I have seen on numerous occasions while camping. However, the usefulness of this in the professing of the relationship (graffiti is illegal and leaving full names and addresses is not exactly the approach most people take) is negligable. But there could be something to go back with said loved one and regard the scrawled initials in some nostalgic reestablisment of the relationship. However... a bathroom? You can't exactly come back at the nearest anniversary and remark how romantic you were back then, how in love, while hovering over a toilet looking at the poorly etched initials. Perhaps its just me, but that doesn't sound like the activity for a prospering relationship.

I also have a less general example. My current employer has one toilet which has, scrawled into, of all places, the toilet seat: "addicted to crack." This is, admittedly, funny. I snickered when I saw it. However, upon thinking about the logisitics of carving such a phrase I became slightly disturbed. First of all, you would have to get awfully close to the toilet to write this legibly. Second of all, it isn't facing away from the tank, but towards it. I'll just say that no humour is worth that.

And, that is it for Anatomy of Bathroom Graffiti. At least until I find more to make fun of.