Beating the Comedy Horse Until Candy Comes Out

Originally posted on March 17, 2006. Edited by a diminuitive Mexican man.

Interestingly I had already been thinking about writing this particular subject already early this week (as conversations with a few people might have shown) but some recent online press and subsequent comic have prompted me to do this sooner rather than later.

The topic in question is piñata. Brian Regan has a wonderful schtick about this.
Pin the tail on the donkey. There's a good, safe game for kids. What are adults thinking? Hey, hey, we're having a bunch of kids over, big party... we're gonna blindfold one, give him something sharp, spin him around and let him go. Go Bobby, with the pin, just run amok! He's just poking around... What are those noises? Those are puncture wounds Bobby, stop! You made a horrible error. Kids running out the door... He missed the donkey and got my neck. He pinned the tail on my neck!
Of course, it loses a lot without Brian Regan's delivery. But what can you do? Well, listen to (or watch) it of course! But find it yourself.

I think that pretty much the same principle applies to both pin the tail on the donkey and piñatas. Give a kid a stick, blindfold him, let him run around flailing the stick unabashedly. That sounds like a healthy activity for kids.

However, this is not my biggest problem with the piñata. It is the underlying principle behind it that is my real objection. Apparently it was traditionally a seven pointed star representing the seven deadly sins. However, even if this is the case, common connotations would have it as a donkey or horse-type creature. The star wouldn't have quite the visual significance that beating the crap out of the representation of a living creature until it breaks open and its innards (candy) come spewing out for all the children to feast on. Apparently this is also not far from Penny Arcade's thoughts.

Yet, it still goes further. It is no longer just donkeys or horses. It has gone further. Much further. Now you can beat the crap out of (and eat the innards of, lets not forget that is the ultimate goal) birds, turtles, ladybugs, etc. Oh, thats not all. How about a small mexican man? Sleeping Beauty (who, when I saw this last week at work, prompted this post) or one of your other favourite Disney characters? A bride? Or even a little girl? I can't even imagine why the last one exists. Who asks a little girl to beat the crap out of another little girl, albeit an effigy? Ridiculous.

In closing, piñata's are ridiculous and should be disallowed. They are turning our children into serial killer cannibals. That is all.

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