Acrid Accruement of All Things Asinine

Originally posted on July 1, 2005. Edited with permission from myself (deletions and additions, the latter marked by italics).

Well, kids, here we are. I've finally decided to add something to this "myspace" deally (which this is not). I've had the template up for roughly 2 months , but I've decided to make my contribution to this so-called "internet". Thought, I suppose, that is really like adding a drop of water to... well... the universe (or the fetid swimming pool with the dead squirrel located behind my current residence).

I would like to make sure everyone knows that this is not actually "myspace" (while moot, it is still a valid comment). It is, indeed, Microsoft's space. If it were "myspace" you would not see ads for eBay, sexy singles or the Yellow pages. Instead you would see ads for extreme juggling, shoebox collecting and Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke Ice Twist with Lime and Holiday Spice Remix. No, instead, Microsoft owns "myspace". Apparently the new shorthand for Microsoft is "my". They will probably copyright the word, just like Trump tried to copyright the phrase "You're fired". I mean, Microsoft owns everything. I predict that within 5 years they will own all of our asses. And I mean that in both senses. They will begin in 2008 with a massive donkey buyout worldwide. A year or two after that they will find some way to copyright all of our behinds. And trust me, you don't want that. They will go down all the time and you will have to reset. And the infamous blue screen will be very awkward in social situations. Now, see, I've gone and littered this corner of the web with low-brow humour already. Terrible.

Perhaps I should also give a quick explanation of the title of my blog. I don't really want to call it a blog, as I'm not going to be relaying every little bit of information, like how my best friend Sally bought a pair of shoes and that we saw the cutest boy in the food court. Instead I would call it a rant. Or something. Yeah, just call it something. Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I am kind of stealing this shtick from one of my favourite websites. The site is called Red Meat(the link is in yonder sidebar) and it is a comic I've been reading on the web for a long time, probably a couple years after it started. I heard about it on a local morning show (Humble and Fred, 102.1 The Edge, Toronto) and thought it was hilarious, though it is certainly not for everyone. So, if you don't like dark humour, which is at times pretty gross, stay away. I've been keeping up with it for probably 6 or so years. I learned at the time that it used to be included in the funnies of some papers, though none around the GTA. Anyways, Max Cannon, the writer of said comic, titles every comic with alliteration, some that rhyme, and some that are just clever. I'm not going to steal from his site, as that is just wrong. Though, those of you who have me on MSN Messenger may have seen a couple from that site, such as Jagged Junkpile of Jocularity or One More Hill in the Humour Landfill. However, some of his are rather gross, and I will try to shy away from particularily gross content.

So, welcome. Now, go away.