The Cockroach in Cupid's Atomic Blast
As some of you know last year I posted a bunch of things for singles to do on February the 14th, known to some as Valentines Day, and to others as S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day). You can check them out in a post entitled "Contentment Charade in the Singles Parade". I've added to the list this year so that you have more S.A.D. activities. Enjoy.
Send out Anti-Valentines. There are some here. Send out as many as possible. Perhaps include chain-mail-type threats to get more people to send them.
Go to the local florist or other flower dispenseries and fill their roses with freshly ground pepper.
Go door to door that evening (that part is clearly important) selling vacuum cleaners, newspaper subscriptions or taking surveys. Ring the doorbell incessantly. Be downright belligerent if they try to get out of talking to you. If they happen to be wearing a bathrobe or similar garb, award yourself bonus points.
Similar to #3, go out and "trick-or-treat." Your costume should probably be something Valentines themed. Now its too cold to be walking around dressed like Cupid, and I can't think of anything else, so I would suggest just taking your costume from this past Halloween and stapling paper hearts on to it. You can then explain in some cliche manner how that relates to the day. Like a Valentine's hobo might declare his love on a soapbox downtown. Something trite like that. There could also be the funny costume, like the Valentine's pirate, searching for booty. But the less said of that the better. Then you try to scam some of their Valentines candy, half emptying boxes of chocolate, scarfing on candy hearts, etc.
Speaking of candy hearts, grab a red pen and write witty retorts on the blank back sides of these confectionaries. Now there are some limits, as you will need to be as brief as the original sides tend to be. I'll give you some examples to start you out. On the other side of "Kiss Me" you might write "Mint First". "Email me" might lend itself to "No fwd.'s". Or on the flipside of a "I'm Yours" heart you could write "For Now". There are also other ways to do this if you don't feel like ink-poisoning is the way to go this Valentine's Day. Firstly there are sites which do allow you to make your own candy hearts (the one linked has regular mode and Goth mode, where the hearts are black). I also understand that there are companies which will make custom ones for you, and thus you would actually be able to eat them (you know, if you like the flavour of chalk). However, this is wholly unnecessary as the wonderful folks at Despair.com (a site I have regularly visited for over 5 years now) have made them for you. Now you know for next year.
There you are. Some more activities to get you through another year's Valentines festivities. As I said before: Huzzah to the singles... or something.
